Pressing On

I've had alot going on in my heart lately. You know that moment when the past just slaps you in the face? That moment when you realize you have to deal with it and move on or live in it and be stuck? I've realized holding on to past hurts and regrets is getting me nowhere. It causes a vicious cycle... a cycle that involves living life in fear of getting hurt... not trusting anyone or letting anyone in past a certain point. And what we don't realize is while we are working so hard on making sure we don't get hurt and keeping that wall up we are only isolating ourselves...not only from our friends and family but from God. If you can't trust God there is no way you will ever be able to trust anyone on this earth. God is the only person/supernatural being that will never hurt us or let us down in anyway. He may not give us what we want but it's for our best interest.
So I'm dealing with the past now. It's like ripping a scab off a wound...it hurts and it starts to bleed and you think you're gonna bleed out, but you don't. I am making an effort to forgive those who have hurt me directly and indirectly and some of the people may not even know they hurt me...made me feel I wasn't good enough... made me feel used and when I couldn't do for them or give them what they wanted I was just thrown away. Maybe they don't think of it that way, but that's how it was for me. I have hurt and cried, and then gotten angry and bitter and I understand now what the Bible means when it says a root of bitterness is poison. It will kill you...maybe not physically, but it will kill your life both spiritually and emotionally and socially.
I've ripped open those wounds and am trusting that God has the medicine I need to heal it completely. I know that until I am completely healed I will never reach my full potential in any area of my life. I will never have the ministry that God has laid out for me. I will never have the career and the family God has planned for my life. So I am, as the Apostle Paul said,"Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead."
Holding onto the past just isn't worth it. That's just one part of you that God doesn't have. He is an all or none God...He wants it all. Let him have it all